i’ve been thinking about something i read over at another blog about beautiful women. according to this post “beautiful women are never truly single, and they never are truly alone. It may feel that way to them, but there is always one or more men around trying to make them happy. Please note, this doesn’t equal happiness, it just means that they never have to be alone. They soft land relationships, too, easing from one relationship to another. It’s too easy for that to happen. There are too many men willing to try and willing to hang on to something that is concluding.“
and at first i got all het up about it. all up in my drawers so to speak. i was like pissed a little. and then i started to think about it. i was all wait a minute, maybe that’s not quite what he means. maybe he’s talking about something else but SAYING beautiful. and that doesn’t even address the hordes of women willing to hang on to beautiful men at any cost.
anyway, i know those women, the ones who are never without a man. the ones who are approached while they’re dancing ‘cheek to cheek’ with their honey and a cut-in is offered. the ones who just have that thing.
and i’ve started to call it juju or mojo or sexual presence… but for this post let us call it juju. having juju doesn’t make you beautiful and being beautiful doesn’t give you juju.
i know this. the reason that i know this is because of a conversation that i had the other day with a few clients. in fact i’m going to repeat it right now
bad: as you can see i’m addicted to my job.
y: yeah that must be so nice.
bad: yeah i’m really blessed to have found my calling
y: (mother of two and happily married) i’m jealous
bad: well but think about this, you’re married with two kids and i haven’t been asked on a date in four years. in fact i seem to fly under the man radar, it’s like they don’t see me. so you know sure, i got a calling…
z: ahhh it’s about balance
bad: exactly
z: seriously? four years?
bad: yeah it really is like i’m invisible
x: but you’re GORGEOUS! (in tone of genuine disbelief rather than ass kissing)
bad: i know but they don’t see me… *shrugs*
and if that isn’t enough for you? i was standing on the street last week reading and waiting for transit and a man walked by and said ‘hello beautiful’ and didn’t even stop. just wanted to tell me i was beautiful.
so, i think i’m entitled to an opinion at least a little. what’s interesting is that i have the other side of the coin too.
i went for dinner with a hot friend of mine one night and we walked in and sat down and our waiter came over and she goes ‘he was so checking you out’ and i hadn’t noticed but i did note that he was paying attention to me on the way back.
then she started to talk. about nothings, what we would have for appetizers or something equally irrelevant and i wasn’t there anymore. he stopped noticing me except when i said something particularly clever and then only to sort of pay attention to the ugly friend as opposed to actually interested in what i have to say.
in her defense? she oozes sex.
in mine? i don’t.
so i think what that guy is talking about is ‘hot’ and not ‘beautiful’ because i’m the second and she’s the first and she’s the one with the string of boys and the soft landings.
but let me tell you, that doesn’t make her landings any easier than mine!
i sure wish i knew how they did it though, the ones with the juju. it’s inexplicable but it totally works and there is something so effortless and easy about it.
they don’t even try for it, they’re out for dinner with their long lost friend and laughing like kids and every person of the correct sexual orientation and a few that aren’t are drooling over them and getting twitchy in their pink bits.
but it’s not because they’re beautiful or smart or well muscled or tall or fit or striking… cause i’m all of those things with great hair to boot and i ain’t got the juju.
i wish there was a little blue pill for juju…
or a hot cock sitting right beside me.
October 15, 2006 at 7:28 am
Sometimes I think it can also depend if you really (and I mean it in terms of total heart and soul) want to be ‘seen’ in the full sense, rather than a transient/temporary sense.
I don’t know about that comment on ‘beautiful women’, if that was really true, than many of the women who are considered beautiful in their industries, would be ‘happy’ rather than going through a series of divorces or walk a relationship treadmill, women like Elle McPherson, Naomi Campbell etc.
A lot of jujo involves a transient encounter, and they sometimes don’t mean much in terms of in depth sexual exploration of another person, which takes time. Going by what you’re outlining in regard to yourself, I don’t think it’s a case of you not oozing sex, but more a case of you knowing what you want and not compromising for the mundane, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
October 15, 2006 at 11:50 am
It’s weird, isn’t it ???
chemistry. Juju. There’s no explaining it…
Sometimes I think it is about how much self-confidence I have that day, how much eye contact I make while smiling, how cute my outfit is (and by that I mean form-fitting)…
But then it has been MONTHS since someone I was interest in asked me out — as compared to the guys who are totally unsuitable that do, and so I decline…..
I also think it has to do with genuinely being AVAILABLE ourselves… Like I’m happier alone than I would be witrh a guy I couldn’t love just to say I had a boyfriend….
But heck, yeah, I wish I was a supermodel (as compared to just being pretty) and so all this became irrelevant… It’d be nice to have EVERYONE think I was smokinghot ! It just gives you choice, that’s all, but that’s a lot…
Sincerely,
Anne Elizabeth
October 15, 2006 at 4:18 pm
ana: i know exactly what you mean by that actually, there was a good year when i didn’t want to date and i sort of turned off my look at me. i sometimes think i haven’t figured out how to turn it back on. now that i would like to be seen i don’t really know how.
that’s exactly what i’m saying about that comment on beautiful women. i know lots of women who have men falling off of them but it doesn’t make them happy and i know others that no one notices and that doesn’t make them unhappy. so there’s some kind of not rightness there although i know the kind of women that he means.
i definetely won’t settle for the mundane but i turn ALL the men i meet into friends, even the ones i want to date. and that’s the bit i can’t figure out for myself. i like your point about transience though, i hadn’t really considered that aspect…
*thinkin thinking*
anne: yeah there really isn’t. i’ve been thinking about it for years now…
yeah unfortunately it’s not about cute, i went to a party in tight jeans and a tight shirt but was told that because the cleavage wasn’t plunging no one thought i was hunting.
so it was tight head to toe and still not enough. *shakes head* … i think the confidence and the strut and the smile makes an enormous difference.
i’ve been asked out by a very few unsuitable men but even there not as many as you would expect. and someone i was interested in? not since my ex of four years and i got together six years ago. not one. and when i ask them out it’s never as good… i think it’s because if a man doesn’t have the nerve to ask me out he probably doesn’t have the balls to be around me. least that’s how it’s worked out so far. or maybe just that i take the hunt away.
i’m never willing to date for the sake of dating. if i don’t genuinely feel interest or potential with a man i will tell him as soon as i know that. it’s never worth it to date someone you aren’t into, it’s no fun.
well it’s nice to have everyone think you’re hot… but it doesn’t mean they’ll talk to you and ask you out. it means they’ll assume that you would never look at them :)
October 15, 2006 at 7:43 pm
You’re very right – “beautiful” isn’t it, it’s the people who ooze sexiness, regardless of their appearance.
It’s the walk, it’s the talk, and it’s the looks – they have to show your confidence in your own sexiness.
October 16, 2006 at 10:22 am
Beauty is in
the eye of the beholder.
If you could see her
with my eyes,
I’m sure you’d agree.
Most men are so insecure about being
with a beautiful woman.
Beautiful women are more insecure
about their own looks.
October 16, 2006 at 12:27 pm
shay it really is. what i find intriguing is that these same people with the juju often don’t have any more confidence or self-esteem than i do. so where does the juju come from then?
but yes, i think the walk has a lot to do with it.
eros: you had your link as erosinwonderland and i made it erosinwunderland like your nick. is that actually you? i assumed it was.
i like your first line, it’s totally true… and what’s more interesting is that you’ve nailed something no one else caught. i don’t call myself beautiful, i say that i’m allowed to say i’m beautiful… and unless you’re naomi campbell that’s about all you’ll get out of a beautiful woman.
we never believe it… and the men who are scared of us are usually the ones we’re afraid to talk to.
October 16, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Sometimes its the trying that gets in the way….
Smile, laugh, be at ease in yourself [including the lack of juju if you believe that to be the case].
“i don’t call myself beautiful, i say that i’m allowed to say i’m beautiful…” you don’t need permission – you are not simply a reflection of others opinions and perceptions
I also believe Anne Elizabeth has the right of it [nice words girl]-
“I also think it has to do with genuinely being AVAILABLE ourselves… Like I’m happier alone than I would be witrh a guy I couldn’t love just to say I had a boyfriend….”
I’m in a not dis-similar position – 2 years since leaving the ex and not a sniff of a girlfriend [though several ships] – I need to get working on my own ‘avaiability’! : )
Chin up!
A
October 16, 2006 at 10:54 pm
asterix i think you’re dead on with the trying thing… recently i’ve changed my whole outlook. no more crushes, no more wondering, no more nothing. i like a guy i’ll ask him out and if he says no i’ll MOVE ON. god crushes waste an inordinate amount of time and energy :)
what’s funny is that whenever i’m around anything that isn’t an attractive guy i’m so easy and comfortable… but man if he’s single i’m an idiot…
i was just agreeing with eros about beautiful women. i don’t know a single one that knows she’s beautiful and that includes the models. beautiful women have the most fucked self esteem in the world.
yeah anne elizabeth can write! and she’s totally write, i’ve dumped people in the last year for that very reason. but i would always rather be lonely alone. if i gotta be lonely i gotta be alone…
two years and several ships… i’m you two years down the road… so you’re about ready :)
actually i’m quite cheery. i just had to comment on finn’s post!
;>
October 17, 2006 at 1:02 pm
Cool enough BiG
next story please! ;o)
October 17, 2006 at 1:16 pm
Hi Bad Influence…
Just a note to say I found your blog through your comments on Dirty Boy’s site. I’m really enjoying your writings and invite you to drop by and visit my blog sometime.
TS
October 17, 2006 at 1:44 pm
asterix: i’m just debating what to write on actually…
and yeah, it’s been way too long!
torn: i love dirty boy’s blog… in fact he was my first linker ever :) i shall visit, come back soon!