[real post starts without the []
[go read this: and thank viviane for posting it]
[and today is 'love our lurkers' day inspired by bonnie over at my bottom smarts :
Today, MBS is joining many other wonderful spanko dirty blogs to invite lurkers to say hello. We know you're out there, in Nottingham and Peoria, in Toronto, Adelaide, and Bonn. We see you in our statistics. By the thousands, you come here and read.
I ask you to poke your head up just far enough that we might see you. Please leave us a comment. You don't have to share your life story, unless you want to. You don't have to have anything to say. You don't even have to give us a name, though it's easier to respond if you do. I invite you to test the water. If you ever felt inclined to introduce yourself, now is an ideal moment.
Don't worry, you're among spankos sex lovers here. Your thoughts are most welcome!]
intimacies:
you know it’s all well and good to have the kind of anonymous sex that leaves you horny for days.
the kind that leaves you having flashbacks later.
it’s fucking awesome, honest it is… except for one thing. it’s still just anonymous sex. there’s no intimacy or friendship. there’s no one there in the morning to trace the curve of your shoulder and watch you wake up. there’s no one to make breakfast with and laugh over the comments on one of your blogs.
you don’t have romance or caring. you have dirty, anonymous, casual sex. and you know what? i have really enjoyed my casual encounters in the last couple of months, they’re a new direction for me and it’s kind of cool.
in fact i’ll probably do it again, and more than once.
but it’s not what i would choose if i had a choice.
kind of cool, by the way, because i’ve had very little in the way of sex drive for a good ten years. ever since a really negative threesome experience i had once. right then i lost my innocent exploration and started getting prudish. [that took me a VERY long time to figure out.]
i guess the three years of celibacy after my last ex were good for one thing anyway. it’s like i’m rediscovering my sex drive or losing my virginity again or something.
i feel like i’m starting fresh.
and while ultimately i expect to return to celibacy rather than casual encounters i still feel like this is a really positive step for me.
i was so horny i fucked a stranger. i mean wow. i always wanted to be that kind of horny. i knew all these other people that thought sex was fun. i even vaguely recalled it being fun myself.
it wasn’t too bad if i got involved with instigators. i’ve tended to be relatively easy to coerce… at least while we’re still liking each other. it’s when i fall for someone who doesn’t instigate.
yeesh. we just sort of forget to have sex.
this has been of growing concern for a while. so after my last ex i had a period of ‘ew sex icky’ and then i went on a search for my sex drive.
and i seem to have found it.
i hope so anyway, i won’t know until i’ve been partnered up for a while and i see how things are going but i’ve made some fundamental changes in the way i approach things so it seems to me it would have to be better.
like, and don’t laugh, in a lot of ways i’ve been very sheltered and not so much in others. anyway, like i was always too shy to help myself out while i was having sex with a man and then this year i was having sex with a man that i dated for a couple of months and i kind of already knew that we weren’t going to work out…
so i didn’t care somehow and i just … reached down, and helped out. and he went apeshit, he was all turned on because i was doing that. well well well. learn something new every day.
i feel like an idiot and i feel like i’ve wasted a pile of time. but then i think about the years of celibacy that i’ve had in between relationships and i realise that i haven’t had that much time really.
i just think it would be really nice to have someone reading on the couch right now, or reading over my shoulder and telling me to come to bed.
someone who made me laugh and feel safe and wanted. someone who would instigate and liked adventure and books and sweating and cats.
someone whose body i could learn all over with my fingers and my nose and my eyes and my heart. someone who would explore fantasies and far off places with me
i feel like the possibility of that kind of thing keeps me wanting to be a ‘nice girl’ because you know, no one likes a slut. and i balance that with year upon year of no one to fuck and i think to myself that at some point casual has to be okay.
it has to be enough for me because that seems to be all that i get.
and don’t get me wrong, i’m certainly willing and able and happy to masturbate. well i am NOW… but i’ve probably gone six months before… anyway it’s fun to play with myself but still after years of it i just want to feel someone else once in a while.
i don’t know why i’m the kind of woman who isn’t noticed, i just know that it’s true. they want to fuck me or they want advice about girls… but dating… not so much.
there’s another change in my self that’s even more interesting.
i don’t feel icky in the morning after casual sex anymore.
i was so horny i fucked a stranger. wow. is it wrong that it makes me all delighted with myself?
[i came up with this hilarity but it doesn't fit the post:
casual sex is the mcdonalds of sex, it's good for a quick fix and visceral satisfaction but you can't live on it.
hee!]
