[fyi if you missed back beat and are only reading one post of mine today? read that one instead]
i’m having a hard time the last few days. this guy that i fell in love with last year, this guy that lives not here, he’s in town.
i’ve known that he’s coming to town for like at least a month and a half and i thought that i was prepared. i mean there is no way i’m letting a guy who walked into my life and stepped all over me come to my town and hang with my friends without me pissing on my territory first.
well that’s what i was thinking.
but that’s not what’s happening.
he’s pissing all over my territory right now and i’m not even invited. i mean i sort of am, i could have gone to play games tonight with them all and it would have been fun and stuff but i went to play with my band instead.
so of course it was one of the worst band practises we’ve ever had. no one was quite there. fucking figures. i probably started it with my angst.
anyway i figured he’d be at thanksgiving dinner but he’s leaving before it (who ever heard of coming to town and leaving on saturday when you’re only 7 hours away?) and then i figured that i would see him on friday and that doesn’t seem to be happening either.
so i saw him by accident today for five minutes and that’s it.
that’s what i get.
and the thing is, it’s not so much that i want to hang out with him specifically as that shenanigans will be had with MY friends in MY town and i don’t get to play. bad isn’t invited.
and they’re having all this fun and i’m not welcome. in the old days? they would have told me to come even at midnight for a few more precious hours of hanging.
i called after band practice, thinking i would hear ‘get your ass over here’ or at least ‘here’s the plan for tomorrow night’ but no. i said ‘see you saturday [thanksgiving dinner]‘ and my friend said
“yeah”
bad isn’t invited.
bad was invited once, they were the three musketeers.
but then i had to go and call him on it.
i had to go and say ‘you’re an ass and you treated me wrong’ and instead of standing up for his so-called best friend [turns out she's only convenient local temporary fill-in best friend] and telling his best friend that he’s an ass?
instead of saying ONE fucking word to the guy about his shitty behaviour?
yeah, instead of that the guy who calls me his best friend just said he wanted to pretend he knew nothing about it. i said i didn’t mind. i said i didn’t think he should have to choose, i’m the one who fell in love after all.
and you know a couple of things happened, there’s no pedestal for the guy anymore. mr. stomped on my heart is human at least in the eyes of our mutual friend.
but somehow, after all that i’m the one who lost out.
i’m the one who is cut out of group fun because it’s uncomfortable.
is it weird that i want to dump the person who calls me his best friend for not telling off his actual best friend on my account?
aren’t i supposed to turn the other cheek?
isn’t there like some thing where you say ‘dude you were an ass to her and you should apologise’ isn’t there?
yeah, no there isn’t.
bros before hoes… doesn’t matter how much of an ass the bro is.
*
it makes me angry that i will lose a close friend over someone else’s bad behaviour. but the elephant in the room just doesn’t go away.
why didn’t my friend stand up for me?
even when his eyes were filled with heartbreak over the bad behaviour of someone he loved. even then he said nothing.
stupid bros.
*
this same friend has told me he loved me twice. in not quite such clarity but nonetheless the feelings were made clear.
both times he was with someone else.
different someone else’s.
why do i want to be friends anyway?
