badinfluencegirl

in fact this is going to be the least sexy post that i’ve ever written.

hey! where’d everybody go?

you may have noticed a distinct lack of posts for about six weeks now. for this i apologise. i moved you see, and then to add insult to injury my almost dormant herpes flared up followed by a yeast infection and then a bladder infection.

go me.

consequently you can imagine that i’m feeling about as sexy as i felt after i ballooned over two hundred and twenty five pounds (car accident) and split up with my emotionally negligent ex-boyfriend. [lie, i'm ten times hornier than that, but i'm still not horny right now :)]

that said, there’s some education i’ve gotten in the last while that i would like to pass along.

first and most important:

hygiene.

and i don’t mean having a bath before work. i mean educating yourself a little bit about what does and doesn’t piss off your vagina. men are luckier, it’s much more difficult for them to contract urinary tract infections and bladder infections because their urinary tract is much longer than a woman’s.

that’s why a man can have anal sex without a condom and not get a bladder infection but if you finger a woman with a hand that’s been in her ass she’ll bleed from her urethra. you’re basically rubbing shit directly on her urinary tract and she can go from zero to urinary tract infection in under an hour. women also need to be extra careful how they wipe or they can self-infect (front to back please!)

please ladies, wash your hands and your toys and your boys before you play with them.

by now most of us know that we are supposed to pee after sex, in fact i haven’t met a woman who doesn’t know this in a coon’s age. no, i don’t know what a coon’s age is other than a long time.

most women are also aware that they should drink cranberry juice if they’re worried about infection, unfortunately very few of us know that that juice needs to be unsweetened and unmixed with other juices because sugar promotes bladder infections [in toronto you can get cranberry juice made by the iroquois called "Pure Cranberry Juice" with an indian warrior on the label.] even fewer know that there are herbs and teas to help you fight because the antibiotics for bladder infections promote yeast infections.

no, i’m not kidding.

now, be advised that you should only fight a bladder infection if you’ve had enough of them to really, really recognize the signs and if you know your own …hrm… if you know your own personal danger sign. mine is bleeding from my urethra. i start bleeding and i go get drugs.

that said, there is an herb called uva-ursi you can use that comes generally in a tincture or a tea by itself or blended with other cleansing herbs (flora makes one called uratonic). i recommend the blend, plain uva ursi is awful.

drink the tea when you feel the telltale itch when peeing and it should head off the infection.

this is cheap at any price.

i know this works because i got another bladder infection a week after i finished the drugs for the first one so i went looking for homeopathic solutions instead of drugs… and i cut out sugar, added the tea and judicious amounts of unsweetened cranberry juice plus tons of water and it worked. [if you aren't fighting yeast at the same time drink beer when you're drinking, it promotes urination, otherwise stay off the booze.]

i’m better in under a week. more than a week or worsening symptoms and i would return to the doctor regardless. i would have gotten better sooner but i didn’t find the tea for a few days.

also? take a bath with a cup or two of apple cider vinegar in it and it relieves the pain. it took me almost two hours to drag myself out of the tub!

now as to how i get the freaking things. first it was double dipping with a finger (i’m pretty sure anyway… i was a little insensible with glee at the time), then it was latex condoms, then it was lube with aloe in it and in between was the yeast infection caused by not washing the toy right before i used it [was sterile but dusty] and then there was the one more round (fourth) that really maybe i shouldn’t have had…

so it turns out that i’m sensitive in my nether regions and i have to be very careful what i put down there. polyurethane condoms and non porous toys and the like are fine. porous toys and latex condoms are hell on earth.

along with my newfound nurse level knowledge of urinary tract infections comes a little tidbit about yeast. if you cut yeast and fermented things from your diet you can head off a yeast infection. if you add bio-K plus (basically ten litres of plain active bacteria yogurt in a shot cup)[plain is necessary if you're fighting bladder/sugar, otherwise some sweetening is fine] to your breakfast you can basically reboot your digestive track and rebalance the yeast.

cool huh?

tea and yogurt instead of antibiotics…. or as a wise man i know said “probiotics instead of antibiotics, what a great idea.”

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[[[EDITED TO ADD: IF YOU HAVE A UTI AND DEVELOP ANY OF THE FOLLOWING GO DIRECTLY TO THE DOCTOR!  dizziness, nausea, vomiting, fever, chills, low back rib or flank area pain (flank = between pelvis and ribs)}}}

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sorry i wasn’t here but it’s nice to be back :)