you know, the thing with really good sex is that it’s really good, usually also involving words like sublime and excellent.
unfortunately giving that up becomes incredibly difficult.
up until monday (sunday ten days ago if we’re being technical regarding last shags, last tuesday if we’re talking about last meals together or today if we talk official break up day) i had a regular sex partner.
anyone who has read the last post and between the lines on a few other posts is aware that i developed feelings for him. him? not so much.
leaving aside my total shock at his stunned reaction to this and his relatively strange behaviour since i told him i liked him and wanted to date him exclusively there is one other thing.
not only do i have to lose my lover and my climbing partner and my island smoking pal and my cuddle buddy and someone i could be quiet with and one of my better friends [doesn't sound very bed buddy like does it]? i have to give up great sex too.
that seems like adding insult to injury to me. i already have to lose my man and my climbing partner, can’t i keep the sex?
for the first time i actually get it, i understand those people who talk about the hardest part of breaking up isn’t just losing your best friend it’s giving up the sex.
for me, every time i’ve split up with a man it’s been because we were *DONE* and i mean done. hadn’t wanted to fuck in forever and it was shitty even when we did it.
and then this time. i fell for my bed buddy so, needless to say, the sex was sublime even up to the very last time and i’m so horny! *wail*
and of course ’cause this all ended yesterday i’m thinking about him a lot. wondering what happened and how i could misread signals so hard and then… my fucking brain is conditioned to think sex when he comes to my head so i’m horny as hell FOR the man who just dumped me.
this is fucking ridiculous.
i’m actually tempted to trip him for a good-bye shag for god sakes and on what planet is THAT a good idea?
hey buddy, you with the i don’t know what you’re talking about or how you could ever think i was anything but friendly toward you while handing me bonbons?
hey you with the let’s talk about tv shows in our goodbye emails?
hey you with the clueless look on your face?
yeah that’ll happen.
unfortunately even my sex toys are coloured, they’ve mostly been tried or used by him or bought with him or or or and the last thing i want to do while i masturbate the incredible horniness away is think about a man who turned out not to be paying attention to me at all.
i’m *so* horny that i’m in fact tempted to do very stupid things like post an ad on craigslist or call my ex or get drunk at a party while dressed in pvc and let a man take me home. this incident in fact prompted my taking a bed buddy in the first place.
i decided that anonymous sex wasn’t worth the risk and suggested that a man i had dated briefly become my bed buddy and look how that turned out.
maybe fuck buddies aren’t worth the risk either.
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i don’t believe it by the way, i don’t believe it because SO many fuck friend beginnings end up being long term relationships.
i just wish mine had been honest with me.
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incidentally after meeting him thoughts of him do not make any appreciable difference to my state of arousal.
