i am learning, over time, that i am something of an exhibitionist. i also appear to have some voyeuristic tendencies but not as much. probably in similar proportions to my subly/domly bits.
sure i can take over and lead the way but it’s not my preference… not the way i’m wired when it comes to sex. i like to give but i receive even better. course giving and receiving at the same time is just awesome.
but getting off in a place that has a decent chance of getting me caught or overheard? getting off with someone in the other room? fucking somewhat noisily when people are sleeping on the couch?
getting off in front of a man and taking some obscure pride in just what a sloppy bitch i actually am?
discussing my growing collection of sex toys in public company? with glee?
all quite unexpected and surprising to me.
i have become somewhat of a sex educator among my circle both private and work and i knew that i had ‘arrived’ in some way when i got my first intimate sexual information inquiry from a dear friend of mine. how did i become the sex educator among my friends who don’t read my sex blog?
erk i must be opening up!
and so i think about it, about the daily topics of conversation with my friends and clients and aquaintances and how they’ve changed since i started this blog and i start to get just how much i’ve changed.
i’ve changed in ways that don’t, at first, seem to have anything to do with this little blog. and yet, at the core, they are all part of the same journey toward an active and healthy sexual identity.
i dress more like a woman now rather than like a tomboy or a bit of an androgyn and i walk with the strut of the attractive woman who knows that someone is looking at her.
i feel lust in the glances of random males as i catch them looking down my curves.
i see my curves instead of my fat… most of the time.
i have started asking for what i want with men instead of pining from afar… and i have a date with a hottie on thursday because of it.
i let myself fully open my body in front of my last lover and then gloried in his response to that freedom. and my own.
i love and appreciate my body so much more that suddenly everyone i know is telling me that i look better than i have in my life. in my life and i’ve had a twenty three inch waist as an adult [and i'm 5'11" fyi.] had but now am closer to thirty…
i don’t colour my hair and i wear minimal makeup but i walk around with happiness glowing out of me from all directions and people are looking and watching and enjoying. and the more they like to look the more i like to tease the universe with masturbation and sex that are perilously close to being caught…
i’ve taken pictures of myself that i haven’t deleted yet. and i’m doing things in those pictures… and i’m identifiable. eek!
i wonder, as my confidence grows and my sex drive gets more comfortable living where i can feel it, i wonder what i’ll grow to do…
