i am learning, over time, that i am something of an exhibitionist. i also appear to have some voyeuristic tendencies but not as much. probably in similar proportions to my subly/domly bits.
sure i can take over and lead the way but it’s not my preference… not the way i’m wired when it comes to sex. i like to give but i receive even better. course giving and receiving at the same time is just awesome.
but getting off in a place that has a decent chance of getting me caught or overheard? getting off with someone in the other room? fucking somewhat noisily when people are sleeping on the couch?
getting off in front of a man and taking some obscure pride in just what a sloppy bitch i actually am?
discussing my growing collection of sex toys in public company? with glee?
all quite unexpected and surprising to me.
i have become somewhat of a sex educator among my circle both private and work and i knew that i had ‘arrived’ in some way when i got my first intimate sexual information inquiry from a dear friend of mine. how did i become the sex educator among my friends who don’t read my sex blog?
erk i must be opening up!
and so i think about it, about the daily topics of conversation with my friends and clients and aquaintances and how they’ve changed since i started this blog and i start to get just how much i’ve changed.
i’ve changed in ways that don’t, at first, seem to have anything to do with this little blog. and yet, at the core, they are all part of the same journey toward an active and healthy sexual identity.
i dress more like a woman now rather than like a tomboy or a bit of an androgyn and i walk with the strut of the attractive woman who knows that someone is looking at her.
i feel lust in the glances of random males as i catch them looking down my curves.
i see my curves instead of my fat… most of the time.
i have started asking for what i want with men instead of pining from afar… and i have a date with a hottie on thursday because of it.
i let myself fully open my body in front of my last lover and then gloried in his response to that freedom. and my own.
i love and appreciate my body so much more that suddenly everyone i know is telling me that i look better than i have in my life. in my life and i’ve had a twenty three inch waist as an adult [and i'm 5'11" fyi.] had but now am closer to thirty…
i don’t colour my hair and i wear minimal makeup but i walk around with happiness glowing out of me from all directions and people are looking and watching and enjoying. and the more they like to look the more i like to tease the universe with masturbation and sex that are perilously close to being caught…
i’ve taken pictures of myself that i haven’t deleted yet. and i’m doing things in those pictures… and i’m identifiable. eek!
i wonder, as my confidence grows and my sex drive gets more comfortable living where i can feel it, i wonder what i’ll grow to do…
September 3, 2007 at 11:51 pm
I think its wonderful that you feel this way. I’ve seen many of the same changes in my own life since making an effort to reclaim my sexuality. Something my blogging is a part of. Good luck with it. Don’t let anyone stop you.
September 4, 2007 at 7:07 am
Your posts that mean the most to me, both as interesting reading and erotically stimulating reading, are those in which you open yourself, expose yourself to us. I, and I am sure many others, are enjoying and appreciating what is happening. Please tell us about those couplings, those moments of opening, those “dangerous” moments of almost being caught. Tell us who you are and what you are thinking…
E
September 4, 2007 at 7:08 am
arggggggh.. I am, not I are LOL.. I first was going to say we, then changed it,……..
phooey.
September 4, 2007 at 1:20 pm
You go girl! It is so true…if you THINK sexy then you naturally become sexy! It isn’t all about how you look, it’s about how you FEEL. And a sassy walk and smile just seals the deal! ;)
Can’t wait to hear about Thursday! You are going to WOW him for sure!
XX
September 5, 2007 at 6:56 pm
misty: hello and welcome!
i don’t think it can be stopped at this point, i’ve literally morphed into a better me and it’s really almost impossible to put that kind of genie back in the bottle….
and i think it’s wonderful you feel this way too…
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Edward: thank you. i have though, i told you about masturbating myself in a tent and hoping a man might hear and i’ve told lots of stories that are true and lots that aren’t and lots that are somewhere in the middle…
that said, i’ll try to inject some more me into the tales :)
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Edward: lol
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AS: it’s really utterly fucking mind-blowing how easy it actually is if you just trust yourself…
and yeah i walk like i want to fuck now and it’s a very different effect…
oh man i’m stoked and trying not to be…
September 5, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Good Tuesday evening to you, Bad Influence Girl !
Those all sound like wonderful changes !
Learning more about your sexuality and proclivities, growing, becoming more comfortable with yourself, exuding happiness, asking for what you want !
Very nice ! Men are becoming your mirror in a lovely way – checking you out and appreciating you, just like you are appreciating and valuing yourself !
Thumbs up !
September 6, 2007 at 2:09 am
That’s your sexual energy glowing, girl!
September 7, 2007 at 6:26 am
A hot car, huh?
Can’t wait to hear that story.
BIG, yes of course I know you have been showing yourself. Thank you. That was my point. That is what keeps me reading.
September 7, 2007 at 12:25 pm
WELL??????? Kiss and tell!!!!
September 7, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Annie: they’re freaking awesome is what they are. i love feeling myself grow and blossom as a woman, it’s really quite a treat. it’s hard to ask for what you want but highly worth it.
thanks!!!
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zoey: man it’s incendiary now
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Edward: yeah it was awesome.
there is no story, he let me drive his awesome car and then we went for a walk and a beer :)
ah sorry i misunderstood the point, i thought you wanted more and i was sort of wondering where i might find it :)
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A Secret: it was a great date… with a nice kiss at the end of it… sorry to disappoint in a great smut way but it wasn’t that kind of date :)
September 10, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Good Monday morning the 10th to you, Bad Influence Girl ! hope that you had a good weekend !
Just came by to see what was new with you -
Loving Annie