i’m having a little trouble writing any kind of porny post right now. i’m having an equally hard time masturbating so please don’t think this is about the blog.
you see i’m one of those people who has trouble masturbating during early dating. do i know why? no. is it true nonetheless? uh huh.
i think it has to do with expectation.
if i play with myself i will inevitably think of my new friend and i will somehow colour my expectations of what will happen between us at some future date. this renders testing the toy sitting in my sex toy drawer particularly difficult.
mmm speaking of my sex toy drawer, it’s overflowing! it’s overflowing and i’m not sure what to do about it. i have several toys that i no longer use and plan to dispose of and yet i feel guilty getting rid of a perfectly functioning toy just because i don’t want it.
there’s not one thing wrong with these things except that i’m damm sure i never want to play with them because i don’t really like them and i haven’t liked them since i met them. i’ve tested them unfortunately which renders them used and possibly contagious.
okay not really contagious because they’ve been cleaned and untouched for at least six months and i’m pretty sure all the herpes is dead now but still…
anyway, it’s a little bit tough to write porn because i don’t want to fantasize about this guy yet. okay that’s not quite true.
i think about him fairly regularly but i think about what i know and not what i don’t and he and i have not reached the stage of fucking like mad passionate bunnies.
yet.
and i don’t want to colour it with my imagination, i want to let it unfold as it would.
unfortunately you see i also don’t want to think about any of the other men that i’ve been with and it’s HARD to do fantasy penises because this beautiful man is in the forefront of my imagination. he’s sitting right there being cute and funny and tall and well-built and my little overworked imagination just can’t compete with a real live boy.
but i want to masturbate and i almost feel like i can’t!
not to mention i have this toy to test and my time runs out in a couple of days!
i’m even excited about it since it’s my very first *shhh don’t tell my ass* butt plug!!!
yeah i’m twelve, but i’m excited about this toy and i can’t seem to make myself try it.
so i guess i want two three things from you guys.
one) what the hell do i do with these toys i don’t want?
two) what do i think about so i can masturbate already???
three) what do you do when you’re first dating someone new and you haven’t fucked yet?
happy tuesday!
