okay seriously
i know, i know, i’m being all smug because mr. new guy is rather well hung. well i’m not being NEARLY so smug now let me tell you.
see, i’m allergic to latex.
yeah. and there is the durex avanti which fits small, the trojan supra which… isn’t (but is bigger than the avanti in that it ALMOST considered fitting on his considerable girth but yeah that’s it.) so i look and i look and i look.
shit i’m getting aroused just writing this.
so i search high and low and all over the internet and then i find THIS and i think “oh thank god!” (the supra is 57mm or an inch and a half to an inch and three quarters and these are 70mm) and so i go looking around and calling stores and nothing.
NOTHING?!?!?
so i call the nice man at mayer labs and i say ‘hey, what’s up with that?’ or ‘hey do you have any suppliers in canada?’ and he says no. no we don’t because the last few boxes that we have are reserved for internet orders.
LAST FEW BOXES?
WHAT?
but but but badinfluencegirl wants to fuck. a lot!
so i order a couple of boxes and they’re having a ‘buy one get one free’ sale which makes it four which might get me through a couple of weeks but is at least enough to try the damm things. if they fit him? i’m ordering a case!
but damm. i CANNOT be the only woman out there allergic to latex right?
right?
can i really be the only woman out there allergic to latex AND fucking a man who wears a magnum? really? gosh that’s no fun at all.
and now? now i have to wait until the fucking things SHOW UP and then try them and hope they fit and then?
and then?
i get to fuck him.
i get to sit on that beautiful penis and slide myself down it ever so slowly until i get to the bottom and then slide right back up until almost but not quite he falls out and then down i will slide once more…
and what if they don’t fit? please just join with me in praying that they do!
speaking of fit, this is one big boy i have here kids and i am feeling a little daunted. my last lover was not that big and i didn’t really have to do any work at all to fit him but this one is… well, considerably larger and considering how hard he is to fit in my mouth i have some concerns.
now, i know damm well that the female parts do stretch and i’ve had a hand four fingers wide (no bend in the knuckles) inside me so i know i CAN stretch to fit but guys it’s been MONTHS!
in fact it’s been three months and the machinery has shrunk back to it’s original pre-lover relatively celibate woman size.
and this man?
NOT SMALL!
okay sorry.
anyway am i stoked about taking him in every way i can imagine?
fucking right.
however, i’m trying to figure out how to get there beyond ‘have lots of orgasms and practise with your most giant dildo and lots of fingers’ and i’m curious if y’all have any suggestions.
in the meantime, i’m going to go fantasize that the condoms that i just ordered from the internet will magically arrive tomorrow along with an industrial sized vat of lube and a glass toy approximately sixty millimetres (edited because originally i wrote inches – ouch!) in diameter.
*
speaking of toys, i have a review coming of pandora which the lovely folks at libida.com kindly mailed me for my opinions. also some new reviews are up on my homepage at edenfantasys.com so do check them out!
