i have recently ensconced myself in an epsom salts bath. i did this because the lovely lady who stabbed me repeatedly with an electrically charged needle told me to.
i also did this because i wanted to.
this is funny because i NEVER take baths. i never take baths because they’re boring and they annoy me. okay fine, i take a bath like once a year when i’m in that perfect mood and have the appropriate kind of book and a day off.
so you’re getting that i’m not a huge fan of baths. in fact, other than the one with the epsom salts and the one with the live apple cider vinegar (eases bladder infection symptoms while waiting for the meds to kick in) i have taken exactly one bath in my tub since i moved in to this place last winter.
but boy oh boy did i dive in to the bath yesterday… and i sure will again tomorrow. i will do this because it eases the itching caused by having several hundred hairs on my body murdered by said electric needle.
murdered most foully in a state sanctioned manner that causes them to fuck off and stay off for ever. okay well if you do the murdering like six times then it stays off forever, otherwise it will come creeping back in like some infection you thought you’d conquered.
the murder is only foul to the owner of the hair by the way, the hair itself appears not to care at all. the skin that is attached to the hair mind you? not so happy.
not so happy at all!
in fact it comes up all little red bumps and looks something like the worst case of razor burn ever in the history of the universe. no seriously, like ever.
imagine a pair of bikini underwear with absolutely no pubic hair sticking out either side. now add a zillion little red bumps where that hair USED to be. yeah, that’s what i look like.
isn’t that just the most attractive image ever?
yeah, i thought so too.
the thing is? this costs about three times as much as waxing the first time and gets steadily cheaper after that… and you know what?
AFTER the hair is gone (4-8 sessions depending on various factors) you’re DONE! no more bikini line forever!
forever!
that is in fact worth ninety minutes of relative torture with the little electric needle of nasty hair murder. it’s especially worth it when you consider that each session is shorter than the last and by the sixth or eighth you’re down to ten minutes or so every couple of months.
and no more shaving that fucking line ever!
now i would not get rid of my actual bush, in fact i’m quite fond of it. a trait, i am told, which is quite typical of italian women and though i hate being typical it is in fact true in my case. unlike the rest of the italian nation though i do wage war on my armpits.
i would also not get rid of the hair on my armpits… and i would have left my bikini line alone except for two little things. the god dammed little red bumps that show up and itch and hurt and the fucking ingrown hairs.
god they’re icky.
i cannot wait until i never get an ingrown hair there again.
and you know what the skin outside my bikini and my panties will look like when i’m done the torture that is my allotted penance in exchange for removing hair that i personally find unsightly?
the skin everywhere else.
no scars, nothing.
i can’t wait to whip out my new bikini line when i head out for my vacation next month!
[for the record i did consider laser but i am extremely unwilling to have photosensitive skin for life AND it rarely acts permanently]
