badinfluencegirl

i’m supposed to be writing a post right now. i can feel several posts swirling around in my brain but none of them are coming out. it’s kind of how i feel about everything this week actually, all disconnected and yet utterly fascinated.

i have a couple of really awesome sex stories to tell you (and they’re even real!) and i need to review the cosmo guide to red hot sex and i should be sleeping and instead i’m writing this post.

sexually i’m in the same boat. my pussy is itchy and moist but isn’t particularly in the mood to have me play with it. it’s not telling me not to you understand it’s just not begging for it.

well that’s not true either. i have been so horny i was wriggling in my chair at least a few times this week but even then i couldn’t seem to sit down with the sexy writing.

never fear, i haven’t lost interest in the blog or anything, i’m even growing up the template because i’m considering adding a few ads and the sidebar on the old one was WAY too long already. let me know what y’all think of the new look by the way…

i know the beginning of both the stories i want to tell you and in fact one of them may get told from two perspectives but i haven’t decided yet. somehow it just ain’t there and you know what? it’s at times like these that i wish my two blogs were one.

anyway i’m hitting a little obstacle and i haven’t figured out the way around it. you see my sex life with mr. big is evolving in ways that feel intensely personal even though they would also make incredibly good smut.

and i’ve written the intensely personal stories with him before it’s just that they take a little while to come out of the keyboard. it’s a lot easier to write a nice dirty story instead you know? not that i write as many of those as i once did but anyway. it’s a lot easier to make up a stranger in a laundry room than it is to put something that’s actually happened into words.

furthermore it’s significantly easier to put something that’s actually happened into words if you don’t care emotionally about the person or events in question but, you see, when it matters to you? when the outcome of the things you are writing about is to grow your relationship with someone you care deeply about?

that’s hard to talk about. putting emotions out there for all to see? now that’s hard. doing justice to events that involve the physical and mental coupling of two people busy falling for each other in some great big romantic way? doing justice to that without writing the sappiest and lamest excuse for hot writing ever?

that’s pretty damn difficult it is and i’ve been noticing some trends.

it seems that whenever he and i do something or discuss something or somehow allow our relationship to grow in its significance i can’t write about our sexual experiences for a little while.

like that post fall that i posted in november. that event actually happened about five weeks before i posted the story but that day was really big for us and it’s very bigness made it hard to talk about. here was this intensely personal experience that i had shared with this beautiful new man who had dropped into my life like a meteor.

i identify with meteors since i was born during a meteor shower.

here he was and here we were having all these really excellent experiences together and i’m supposed to write about our sex in a way that doesn’t violate that and it took me weeks to manage it.

and now it’s happened again.

i look forward to seeing what i write about.