shopping spree… 1

you’ve been setting this up for months now although i don’t know it.  we’ve been discussing our fantasies you see and you’ve decided that you can’t bear for me to go another birthday without having it fulfilled.

i, of course, have no idea.  none.

in fact?  i think i’m getting something practical… for the house you know.

in other words?  i was taken completely by surprise.

it started out innocently enough; you suggested an early dinner in a nice hotel in town and a show after.  i love such evenings, especially when there will be cake so of course was delighted.  you asked me to make a day of it.  to spend the day at the spa with my sister or a friend or all of them and to take ourselves our for lunch and for decadent desserts.

you wanted us to watch the boys watching us and tease and tempt them as we flaunted our newly pampered selves.  you encouraged me to shop a little and buy something extra sexy if i found it.

of course i did.

not only did i find the most wonderful red dress with shoes to match?  i found the perfect lingerie to wear with it.

we met at the hotel, in the bar.  you wanted this to be a proper date and i was excited.  almost excited enough not to wear panties but i decided it would be more fun for you if i wore them.  i know you you like to see me flash them at other men after all.

dinner passed in a haze of wonderful conversation and delicious food.  i was on fire, i knew i was the sexiest woman in the room, in fact i was one of the only women there and i felt like our table was sitting under a spotlight.

i could have sworn that everyone in the restaurant was undressing me with their eyes.  i knew this was a side effect of my day of pampering and that my new lingerie was making me feel particularly randy so although i did eye flirt with several of the men in the restaurant i spent most of my attention on you.  you were my date for the evening after all.

after dinner you suggested that we head upstairs for a nightcap before the show and i, feeling randy, agreed with alacrity.  on the way upstairs you asked me if i trusted you and i looked at you, suddenly serious.

“is everything all right?” i ask you as i stare into your eyes.

“of course, but i wish to blindfold you before we leave this elevator and then your surprise begins.  i ask you again.  do you trust me?”

i shudder, already soaked just because you say the word blindfold.

“yes, please yes” i say and reach for the blindfold myself.

“no cheating, not even a crack of light” you say and i smile and nod and tie.  you touch my back as the elevator dings our floor and i exit to a gasp of surprise from the hallway.  i don’t care, i have wetness soaking my panties and my man is guiding my with feather light touches on my back.  whoever is gasping can look all they want, i’m still having a better night than they are.

little do i know.

i hear a card reader and a door open and then you take me into a room.  still with a finger on the small of my back you guide me forward until i feel a padded bench of some sort against my knees.

“kneel up” you whisper in my ear and i shiver as i kneel on the bench.  it’s just firm enough for support and just soft enough that my knees aren’t cursing your name.  my panties are sodden now and i sit on my ankles with my dress pooled around me.

you whisper in my ear “your safeword is in play” and i shudder again and nod.  slowly you unzip my dress in one long caress down my back before returning your hands to my shoulders to gently ease the dress off of them.  i feel it fall open and expose my infinitesimal bra.  scraps of fabric more than anything.

i hear a gasp and it isn’t from you.  someone else is in the room with us!  but you are not blindfolded, you must know this is happening.  someone else is in the room!

you ease the dress down a little further and leave me exposed to at least the belly button before sliding a hand down my arm and then to the lower hem of my dress.  i feel you move around in front of me as you gently lift the skirt and expose more of my tanned legs.

i hear a different gasp.

and another!  just how many people are in this room anyway?  oh! i’m pretty sure i’m dripping onto the bench now and i know for sure that my panties will rain if i were to wring them out.  fat chance of that.  you invoked safeword protocol and i can’t move if you don’t tell me to.

i can’t believe there are people here seeing this.  i am further stunned as you sweep my dress over my head on one quick tug.  my nipples krinkle as i hear murmurs sweep the room and revise my estimate upward.

i have no idea how many people are here OR who they are.  i’m shuddering with arousal now and nothing but eyes has touched me yet.

i am swimming in desire and i think i fade out a little as i kneel there, quivering in the cool air as it licks and tickles my skin.  i hear someone ask for bids but i don’t really pay attention until i start to listen to the auctioneer “and what am i bid now for this beautiful specimen?  look at her as she quivers on her kneeling pad, more aroused than she has ever been in her life.  who will win the privilege of owning her for the next week? do i hear…”

holy shit, he’s selling me!  he’s selling me.  i swoon and almost faint and i am relieved not to be standing or i would fall.  fear and lust course through me and if anything i lubricate even more.

the next thing i know all i can hear is the bidding.  the endless bidding… “10,000 to the lady in the back with the purple hat do i hear eleven?”

i’m going for eleven thousand dollars?  no wonder he sent me shopping!

review: jollies dildo

first a shoutout to the folks at babeland for sending me a lovely new toy to play with. i had a similar problem with this one as with johnny in that it took me a little while to actually try it since i was intimidated by it’s sheer size.

i mean it’s big and purple and shaped funny! anyway i stared at it for a while and tried to make myself try it which was harder than it should have been considering how much i like johnny now that i’ve grown comfortable with his bulk.

but no, i was afeared.

somehow i just didn’t get from the pictures how big this thing was until i was holding it in my hot little hands (okay kinda big… i am 5’11″ after all…)

see how it’s all innocent and small looking?

yeah no, it’s big. so i stared at it and then my bladder acted up and then i stared at it some more and finally i decided that it had languished in it’s drawer long enough [plus the vibe i was testing wasn't doing it for me] so i whipped out the jollie and dripped some emerita warming lubricant all over it and nestled that lovely bulbous tip at my entrance and kinda pushed a little and in it slid.

no problem at all. even though it’s big the contours are kind of perfect and it slides on home and sits. PLEASE NOTE that i was warmed up already. unless you are aroused i really don’t think you can just slide this thing home… use lube, play with yourself, something!

this dildo isn’t particularly for thrusting, it’s more of a nestle it inside you and then rock on it or stick a vibe against the flat end and gasp for a while.

all of which i did.

you can thrust it a little but it’s kind of like that moment in fucking when you’re soooo close to each other and you’re practically wearing each other’s skin and to separate enough for a full thrust would be wrong somehow so you just stay there and rock a little and groove on each other.

the jollie wants you to fuck it just like that. well my body wants me to fuck it just like that, i can’t so much speak for yours.

in some ways i feel like i should keep this toy handy and see all the different things that my partner and i come up with before i ever write a review because it feels like this is the kind of toy where you keep trying new things and going “oh wow, who would have thought that would work?”

i will say this, the contours are PERFECT for sliding in if you’re used to taking relatively large penises or medium to large toys. if not i would say that you will require at least one warm-up orgasm or you probably won’t find it comfortable. i will also say that lube is necessary else the soft silicone will kind of stick to your skin.

i will also say that if you are sticking a vibrator between the handle and your clit that you should be more careful than i was since i gave myself a nasty little sore on the hood of my clit (and still did it again this morning since it felt so damn goood!)

boy did i ever wish my bullet was clean so i could stick it in the hole in the handle instead…  which i didn’t think of until AFTER i pinched my poor clit hood and then rubbed all over the sore again this morning anyway.

i would not recommend this toy to ANYONE who is a virgin or describes their vagina as small.  i would absolutely recommend this dildo to anyone else!  sorry i’m too much of a wimp to take it in my ass and let you know how it is!

nine point five out of ten because the lumps on the inner handle could feel better on the clit but a near perfect score anyway for the excellent shape and the beautiful colours and excellent quality silicone.

this too receives the badinfluencegirl seal of approval.

*

really no one wants to design the seal for me?

flashlight

it’s funny you know, you go looking for your sex drive and you find it and you think the work is done. you think you’ve found the damn thing so you can kind of let it go to take care of itself.

this isn’t actually true.

it’s true for a little while, or while you’re still smoking pot or even while you’re in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship but it isn’t actually true long term.

long term there is more work to be done or at least vigilance is required because the darned thing is still a part of the rest of me and if the rest of me is down or depressed or sleepless or otherwise fucked then my sex drive is well… not fucked.

i thought i was done and in many ways i was, but the part that i didn’t get was the part where i have to keep it up. the blog did me a lot of good, i found out what i wanted and needed and i get my boyfriend off with my writing.

sex stays part of my regular awareness now and this blog serves it’s purpose admirably well because i HAVE to review sex toys and i have to post. since i have to do these things i’m effectively coerced into keeping my sex drive awake.

for some of you this probably seems like a no-brainer. like seriously how can anyone lose their sex drive?

for some of you you’re nodding your heads and going ‘yeah man, sing it sister’ or the like. i can’t speak for anyone but myself but i can honestly say i’ve gone a year and more without my genitals being touched for anything but urination.

my boyfriend?

i’m not sure he’s made it twenty four hours.

i worry sometimes that as i get older or kids come into the picture i won’t be able to keep him satisfied and i truly hope that if this becomes an actual issue i will do the mature and selfless thing and write him a cheque to go play elsewhere.

hope springs eternal and all that.

i went a year without an orgasm and i did NOT care.

it’s been a very slow month or two for me and i’m not bothered by this in the slightest… EXCEPT that my poor man is getting just a little frustrated [doesn't help that i'm STILL wrestling with chronic bladder problems... makes a girl afraid to fuck somehow.]

regardless here i am in low sex drive land again and i’ve got the old flashlight out and i’m searching and searching for it but it’s hard because i just don’t care. the only reason that i care AT ALL is for the sake of mr. big because otherwise?

i’d just let it lag for a while except for the occasional toy review. i have enough stories started that i bet i could even write smut for a while. see the thing that’s interesting is that even when i’m not that interested the mechanisms still work. i can still get aroused i just can’t be arsed to do anything about it.

it’s really kinda strange right?

i cared when i didn’t know where it was but when it fades i don’t care as much. i think in large part my current sexual ennui is caused by the never ceasing bladder problems. i mean it’s sure hard to stay interested when you know you’ll be crying as you pee in the morning.

and no, i’m not exaggerating i just haven’t successfully gotten a gynecologist or the like to tell me how to fix it! like really, who wants to go sex drive finding when they’re just going to break their god damn sex bits anyway?

and yet… ?

here i am with the flashlight.

[as always, thoughts/comments/advice are WELCOMED]

new plan

i haven’t been feeling particularly fantasyriffic lately nor have i been feeling particularly interested in sex.  that does appear to be fading but in the mean time i thought i would provide you with this piece of a post i wrote many moons ago.

the actual review is here and i never finished this post but it amuses me so here it is for you:

so i’m trying a toy

right now.

i have these penthouse variations ‘ball bangers’ in my cute white underwear and i’m writing this review while i try them. so far i’m not that excited. there’s a low setting and it’s just your standard vibrator feeling thing at a sort of reasonable speed. lovely for getting going with actually.

mid is a little juicier, i can feel a little reaction inside…

oh sorry i forgot to mention that i got bored and stuck one inside me.

so on the mid setting the ball on my clit is actually causing a reaction while the ball inside me is starting to make me twitch a little. so far it’s not going to make me orgasm but my panties are wet and my hips are twitching occasionally.

hi is disappointing somewhat. it’s not that different from mid although i do feel some new lubricant soaking it’s way into my panties. oh wait it is a little more intense and now i can feel my hips twitching relatively uncontrollably … think i’ll leave it here for a moment or two.

these could be a little bigger and could have a little more variation in the pattern. maybe two patterns and four speeds instead of just straight vibrate.

that said i do have some twitching happening and i can feel myself sucking the inside ball in more and more. body is arching too now. it’s almost like on hi it speeds up.

okay super.

deep breath.

hrm no noticeable difference at first. and after several minutes there still isn’t. i get a little bored and stuff the second ball inside me. i’m good and soaked that’s for sure, these will be great as pre-toys before i get into the big stuff.

phone’s ringing. i answer it and talk and my friend notices nothing. okay i don’t think this toy can get me off. i’m going to bed to try giving it some help. that said, if i were wanting to get going i would use these for sure, this is getting me nice and soaked and i would feel safe wearing these in a club because i know no one would be able to hear them. that idea just made me pant and twitch a little more.

oh my god, i have to wash these and take them to a bar with me somewhere and just see what happens. i’ll wear something with a long shirt over it. or maybe pants with a skirt on top and these inside my underwear. i try squeezing my legs together which makes the toy noisier and less effective. few inches apart is the way.

i remove the second ball from inside me and nestle them in around my clit and see if two together with my legs held some magical distance apart will do the trick. they are nestled into my sopping channel now and the one is making the other have an unpredictable vibration. oh god this is great.

i need a penis. my phallix slides home like a hot knife through butter and then i reposition the little darlings.

bed.

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