exhale

January 16, 2009 — badinfluencegirl

my eyes are heavy lidded and my body is languid as i watch you through my hair.  you are not doing anything overtly sexual, merely changing one sweater for another without even removing the loose shirt hiding your torso from me.  i feel my lips part gently as i watch you and catch a glimpse of smooth, brown stomach.

i feel my breath catch in my throat and my eyes droop lower as you move, all loose limbed and easy in your body.

is it hot in here?

there is this urge which nearly causes me to giggle as i realize that suddenly i want to fan my face for relief from the sudden heat.

i know what happens next.

i start to walk in your direction and feel myself heavy and low in my pelvis as you glance up and our eyes meet.  you stop moving with your sweater in hand and watch my face as i stroll toward you. there is a light in your eyes which implies that you know what i’m about to do.

i’m okay with that.

i invade your personal space and breathe in the scent where your neck meets your shoulder and leave only my breath behind.  if it’s possible you both shudder and become utterly still at the same time.  i lean back just enough and start to fiddle with the top button of your shirt.

we are staring at each other again.

slowly, slowly, slowly i release the top button of your shirt and i see/hear/feel your breath catch.  i smile, wickedly and slide my fingers along your collarbone.  you are still motionless but your lips twitch upward.

that’s enough for me.

i release a second button and then a third before i lean toward you; eyes still holding until the last second, then breathing along your collarbone and down your sternum.  you sigh, low and growling in your throat.

but you don’t move.

i continue to play with your buttons and to explore you with my eyes and my breath.  as the buttons part further and the shirt drops open to expose your pecs and nipples i sigh and drop forward to lick the circumference of one.

a ripple goes through your body and i grin before nipping, just a little, on the tip.  you smile.

i smile more.

i let my hot breath wander your skin and the tattoo on your chest while i knead the strong musculature of your back until i sink oh so slowly to my knees and rest my cheek against your belly.  my body still a moment and my arms wrapped around your hips.

you groan softly.

i unsnap the button on your jeans and slowly, oh so slowly, start to tug on the zipper.  it’s hard to release against your straining flesh and i tease you with it even as i continue to fondle your back and nuzzle your stomach.

finally it parts and you spring free into your boxers.  i stroke you with my cheek as i work your jeans to your ankles and then play with you through the silken drawers you suddenly wish you weren’t wearing.  it doesn’t take me long to oblige you.

you moan gently as i kiss your tip gently and lick the dollop of liquid from it.  i smile to myself and grasp you in my hands as i begin to make out with the beautiful penis in my mouth.

slowly, oh so slowly i slide you into my throat and hold you there as i let that wonderful lubricating spit* build up.  i draw back and drop back down to your root a few times and then let you fall right out of my mouth as i stroke you with that incredibly thick and slimy liquid that my magical throat just made.

you sag against the wall behind you and i hold you at the root as you do it. i play with your base in my slick hands and love your tip and shaft with my mouth.  your eyes glaze over and your hands drop to my hair.

i hum low and throbbing in my throat and start to knead your testicles in my hand even as my mouth works you in deeper and deeper.  you groan “where the fuck are you putting it” as your entirety disappears into my throat.  i hold you there and work my tongue and the roof of my mouth against you.

i feel you twitch and groan my satisfaction as i begin to move faster and faster up and down your length even as one hand cradles your balls and the other holds you against me by gripping your perfect ass.

i can feel your balls twitching and the root of you pulsing and i know you’re agonizingly close.  i hold you there awhile and groan around you as i feel my own arousal build with yours.  finally i can’t take it anymore and i reach to gently press your anus with one finger.

you shout and twitch and i feel hot ropes of liquid hit the back of my throat even as my own body pulses and gushes down my legs.

“b-… b-?”

i blink at the hand waving in front of my face and see you there, all dressed, eyes meeting mine and somehow knowing exactly what i just did to you in my mind even as i feel my own juices dripping down my leg.

i smile and keep staring into your beautiful eyes for just another moment before turning away to catch my ride.

*

*see chelsea girl’s “how to deep throat“

Posted in dogging, exhibitionism, exhibitionist, fantasy, fellatio, public, random, sex, sex fantasy. 3 Comments »

self-esteem

January 3, 2009 — badinfluencegirl

one day on twitter i mentioned that maybe i should write down my rules for self esteem and lalana asked me to actually do it.  so in honour of new beginnings here goes.

first and most simple; the mirror.

i am allowed to look in the mirror only as long as i am adjusting my hair, clothing or makeup.  as SOON as i am finished this and my nasty little laser pointer eye starts to go “oh my gawd your saddle bags are huge, look at that damn jiggly fat all over your thighs don’t you wish you could just cut it..” i walk away.

seriously, i walk away from the mirror as soon as i stop being nice to myself.

there is a step two to this one.  once you learn to do that?  start to reprogram the nasty little voice like so: “wow look at my collarbones, those are sure nice” and THEN walk away.

see what you did there?

you talked to yourself the way you talk to your best friend.  the same best friend you would bitch out with great amounts of sass for talking about herself that way.

there would be a lecture.  seriously people, why are you tearing yourselves down?

which brings me to the rest of it.  stop running yourselves down okay?  you have the loudest voice you hear, no one has more power over your self worth than you do and if you keep telling yourself that you’re worthless?

you will be.

find something to like about yourself and focus on that instead.

did you know that women have a really hard time declaring themselves good at anything?  like “i am a really good pilates teacher” is really hard to say even though it’s true.  i really *am* good at my job.

it helps here if you can try to remember that about the same amount of good shit and bad shit happens every day and that you may as well choose to notice the good bits.  it further helps to remember that sometimes the bad shit has the most positive results.

finally?  i’m only allowed out of the house in my sweats if i feel *gorgeous* otherwise i have to wear things that make me feel attractive.

now the hard part; food.

if you don’t like your body and you don’t have any particular illness or injury preventing this?  change it.

be realistic, if you are wearing any size under 14 or have a bmi (i know bmi is a crock but it’s a good starting place) between 20-25 and you can’t say anything nice about your body you may just have some body dysmorphia going on.

that means you need to learn to see what’s there instead of what you think is there…

PLEASE remember that skinny does not equal healthy or hot.  curvy is healthy and hot too, just look at the latin cultures.  be the right weight and fitness level for your body type and chosen life rather than some magazine cover.  remember, it’s better to be chubby and fit than skinny and unfit.

still i suggest a healthy diet and exercise and a few simple rules.

here are mine:

don’t waste your calories on food you don’t want

or as my mother would say:

i can throw out a little food every day or they can throw out twenty five extra pounds in the bag when i’m dead

or as my client says:

only eat dessert that is a ten out of ten, otherwise?  leave it on the plate.

or as mr. pollin says

eat food (not food product), not a lot, mostly plants.

and that’s it.  watch what you put in your mouth, read labels and get some damn exercise.  cardio and weightlifting (rock climbing and pilates are excellent substitutes for weightlifting) and things you enjoy that get your heart beating.

you’ll feel better for doing it because exercise releases endorphins and eating well gives your body the nutrients required to help maintain the chemical balances that govern moods and physical well being.

and guess what?

if you FEEL healthy and you’re eating well and you’re getting more sleep you will feel better inside too, even in the nasty little voice place.  you will stand straighter and have more confidence when you move and you’ll feel good about yourself for doing something good for yourself.

and then with some smart use of the mirror and some talking nicely to yourself and telling the nasty voice “thank you” but you don’t need it anymore?  with the not beating yourself up all the time?

over time you will in fact grow some SELF ESTEEM!

i know, miracle right?

===

give it six months, if you don’t feel a little better?  get professional help; life is too short not to like yourself.

Posted in home remedy, life, love, random, readme. 5 Comments »
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