i do not tend to be a woman who fucks on the first date.
okay that isn’t true, i’ll totally fuck you if i don’t actually want to know you long term; if i’m hot for you and don’t care about your name, if i’m horny and have a condom in my purse and i’m not so drunk that i’ll pass out when i get near a bed.
you know, casual sex.
but then there’s that other thing.
there’s the ones who get your attention, capture your mind or a piece of your heart. the ones where what’s happening in your heart is big and powerful and all you can control is what you do with your body.
and then there’s the in-betweens. the ones you don’t fuck on the first date but soon enough because you’re pretty sure you aren’t going to keep them.
i shouldn’t say you as these are my stages but i believe that most serial monogamists have some similarities or could at least understand what i’m saying. what i also believe is that some people don’t get it at all.
some people absolutely fuck on the first date regardless of their emotional connection or lack thereof. in fact for some people not fucking on the first date can be a dealbreaker.
and what i’m starting to wonder is if that isn’t the exact right thing to do, use that as a dealbreaker. because here it is, i also don’t want to fuck every day. i don’t want to fuck eighteen times a week but more like six.
and at least three of those six?
the same day.
i’m the make long slow love on tuesday (maybe even twice,) have a quickie thursday and a long fuck fest on sunday type you know? i don’t want to shag every day and the idea of shagging multiple times every day?
exhausting.
exhausting in the most brutal way. i’m pooped just thinking about it. daunted even. it’s like it takes all the magic out of it somehow.
i have friends though? man they want to go multiple times a day and if they could they would fuck every day repeatedly and ABSOLUTELY on the first date.
hrm, i’m drawing a line that isn’t real. some people wait at first and then turn into bunnies right? i mean they must exist too?
so maybe, maybe those ‘fuck on the first date’ types shouldn’t bother going on a second date with the ‘not even until we’ve been on at least six/ten/hundred dates’ club. maybe it’s broken from the beginning?
i know so many couples who get in trouble about frequency when it comes to sex. i myself have felt so pressured that eventually i just never wanted to do it.
had a client who got to the point where she literally couldn’t hug her husband she felt so pressured (all better now, horny too.)
so is there a right time or a wrong one?
i want a chance to learn our rhythm before i join with you. to know what makes us gasp and pant before we get to the finish line…
i know a lady who made her husband wait six months. i know a man who asked his girl (neither are virgins) to wait for marriage. i was taught to wait by a man when i was much younger… he made me wait three months.
that may have been the best first time sex of my pre-pilates life.
yes pilates has made that much of a difference; though it’s also about the confidence women tend to get sexually once they pass thirty or thirty five.
i know there’s no right answer or one true way i know that.
but i wonder if wanting to wait or not wanting to wait is just as important a judgement call as anything else. i wonder if sexual style is also vastly different to the right now’s versus the waits.
i think that the sexual style idea may be tied up more in the kind of relationships people had before. like i notice that people who married their high school sweethearts and stayed with them for a very long time tend to lack imagination. no that isn’t it… tend to seem to expect all women to react well to the same things.
anyway i think about this when thing a lot. when is the right time?
for me there’s so much tied up in it but for sure the more i like you the less likely i am to fuck you on the day i meet you. seems backwards but isn’t to me at all. i mean if i don’t care to learn your name but i’m hot for you?
why not scratch the itch?
thoughts?
