i get in to some pretty interesting thought processes on occasion; not the least of which involves the idea of arousal.
v., a·roused, a·rous·ing, a·rous·es.
- To awaken from or as if from sleep.
- To stir up; excite: The odd sight aroused our curiosity. See synonyms at provoke.
- To stimulate sexual desire in.
obviously i’m more interested in the first and third definitions but only because i feel like the second is encompassed in them.
one of the core things i’ve been exploring in my quest to find my own sexuality (and that of several of my clients) is this idea of arousal. how to feel it, how to recognize it, how to stir it up and what does and doesn’t work just intrinsically.
some things are arousing to most of us and some are very specific to each person. myself i find the idea of a golden shower to be totally gross BUT i know that there is a whole community of people who enjoy various kinds of scat play.
i know that always aroused girl loves to get her ass royally fucked. and i don’t mean just a little bit, i mean so much so that she maybe won’t feel like a good sex fest is complete if her ass doesn’t get seriously penetrated and worked. me? not so much.
sure i get in the mood to have my bum played with on occasion but it’s certainly not a requirement in a good afternoon of sex. i would be very disappointed if i didn’t get any cunnilingus though, and yet i know several women who don’t like it at ALL when someone licks their pink bits.
i feel bad for these women the way that the anal sex lovers feel bad for me; which simply illustrates that i’m right to state that we really are all different.
underneath those simple superficialities is something more interesting; after my car accident i found that i was never aroused, not ever.
eventually i realised that i could NOT tell the difference between needing to pee and being horny. this still happens on rare occasions but i can usually spot the tells now (not the least of which is what i feel when i wipe AFTER said pee.)
many years of pilates and reconnecting through my pelvis and working the bejesus out of my pelvic floor later and i can certainly feel my arousal. more than that i even seem to notice the little shafts and darts of desire that hit at unexpected moments.
those are great let me tell you.
they’re great and they don’t seem to have any kind of common denominator.
but still what causes them? why are you instantly attraacted to some people and not interested at all in others? how can someone be fascinating in text and boring in person or vice versa? why do some attractions turn into loves and others into lost weekends? how can you want someone instantly and not care about their name and then want someone else but decide to date them for a month before fucking them?
why is it that some folks arouse your brain and some your body and some your entire being?
i understand about pheremones; i even know that most of the time it’s your own pheremones that are sinking or swimming your arousal ship.
but why does the smell of fresh sweat, new oil and old grease on a man make my knees wobble where perfume makes me nauseous? why does wit make me horny but a brainiac who is all about how smart he is totally turns me off? why is homophobia a dealbreaker for me and a requirement for someone else?
can it really all be just about smell? is mother nature really still driving this train?
what keeps love alive in long distance couples if it’s only about noses? how come i am attracted to so FEW people in a meaningful way? why isn’t my nose dragging me over to some man on the subway?
are we better off to trust our instincts or our minds? our brains or our guts? our hearts or our friends? our noses or our genitals?
actually if you don’t trust your nose when it warns you off? you’re an idiot.
can it really be so simple? just our noses? and if that’s so why does talking to a certain man on the phone get me aroused?
can it be that my nose *remembers* him?
and if not, then what?
May 21, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I’m in a boat of desiring something that according to man’s law–I’m not supposed to. I find myself in a cundumdrum–of loving my husband; but not desiring him. Then I see a lovely vision walking down the sidewalk as I’m riding my bike (hey–got to lose the winter fat!) and I find myself melting as my brain tries to see how she would look as I’m caressing her breasts and belly…
And then I can be working on a project at home; concentrating; then wham! I’m so horny –I’m busting out with full headlights and my panties are wet, my husband would walk into the room and reach over to tweak my nipples and I’d shriek in frusrtation as that is the last thing I’d want at that moment–and it wasn’t him. Feeling lost is one of those human emotions we have to work through. It is hell!
May 21, 2009 at 9:38 pm
You put forth several interesting questions.
May 21, 2009 at 11:44 pm
I do love teh buttsecks, but I don’t need it every time. No, no really. I can do without it. I can stop it. Anytime. Really! I’ll give up teh buttsecks…tomorrow!
:)
May 23, 2009 at 7:03 am
I think you raise very interesting questions. Perhaps the answers are different for different people. For me, loving as I do teaching women to have long, extended orgasms, I have had sex over and over with someone by phone, at a distance. If listening to them does not turn me on, the relationship is relatively short. Since I often do not cum while teaching them, it is all about listening to them and their sounds and enjoying them enjoying their bodies.
But there are those, over time, whose eagerness for what we do, whose enjoyment is so satisfying, that I just have to also cum at times. Women whose words in writing, whose sounds on the phone, reach right inside my gut and make me desire them. So there are no nose connections with them, though often pictures. There are always word connections, thus the mind, and sound connections.
So trusting your nose? yes, if you have an in person experience. But always the nose? I say no.. Always the mind.
May 26, 2009 at 1:34 pm
andrea: oh babe that sounds like a pretty unpleasant situation. do you want to want your husband again? there are some great books (like “for each other”) to help rebuild intimacy.
sounds like you’ve gone a little gay though… good luck!
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rocketman: thanks
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aag: that’s how i feel about getting head. really i can live without it, honest i can… er…
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rick: i have to agree with you i really do.
except for the part where my knees wobble for certain scents… i guess it’s a nature or nurture kind of question?
May 26, 2009 at 10:36 pm
BIG.. oh my. I said unless it is an in person experience. I have had experiences with scents so powerful that I had to fight the idea of bending a woman I did not even like over the back of a chair in a busy restaurant.