[i have edited my title and his on behalf of the reader who pointed out that i'm being mean, because i was... i still say it's pretty lame behaviour though]
[i had a party on the weekend, one at which nobody left until after one am and the room was filled with happy talking noises for many hours (and many of the people there knew no one but me.)
i was seeing an event planner/bartender and this was our fourth meeting... i lent him my spare keys to get something from his car and then he went home quite suddenly after sitting in the corner half the night... here is the morning after text conversation.
please enjoy - big]
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him:
i have your keys.
badinfluencegirl:
that’s funny, i totally accused *randomsmokingman* of having them in his pocket <g>
him:
Now I really didn’t feel like getting into anything with you last night, but come on? What was up with you last night? I did not feel like i should have been there. You were way more interested in conversing with your friends…aside from a few token “checking up on me” I don’t think you think you said more than 10 sentences to me.
I’m very disenchanted
badinfluencegirl:
wow, you seemed to be having a good time so i was doing my host-ey thing and leaving you to it. Since I thought you were staying over I didn’t really think you would mind me hanging with people I haven’t seen in a while. I’m sorry that bothered you, I was delighted to see you when you arrived but funnily enough felt a little brushed off by you a few times as well.
I’m sorry you felt ignored, that was not my intent.
him:
Horrible evening. Quite upset actually. Yes I can be a trouper and mingle and make the best of things, but seriously you were either too drunk or too stoned…don’t do that to the next guy – it’s not nice!
I’ll drop your keys off tomorrow as I have to be at *storenearmyhouse* sometime in the afternoon. Take care
badinfluencegirl:
wow, way to be uh… yeah. not transparent at all *guy*, couldn’t tell at all what you were thinking except that something was wrong, and by then you were on the way out the door. every single other person in the room took pains to tell me how much fun they were having… i’m sorry that for you a room full of interesting people is horrible.
good to know my instincts were right anyway. i will be home after 3 and have clients from 4 on. and out again as of 6:30.
him:
That is pretty hurtful badinfluencegirl. You’ve managed to knock me down yet again…wow…classy!
I don’t think I’ll reciprocate or stoop to that. Not my style.
badinfluencegirl:
my instincts: after you left i turned to my friend and said ‘wow, i just got dumped’ … that’s all that i meant.i don’t really know why you feel insulted right now considering you just dumped me via text and informed me i was rude and hurtful and that what i thought was a very nice gathering was ‘horrible’
let me know when you will drop my keys off
him:
No. I will drop them off outside and call you when I have done so. I have no interest in talking to you.
badinfluencegirl:
omg seriously, tell me when you’re coming so i can at least be here.
[two days later? my keys were dropped off to the super by a female. so he's too much of a wimp to even take care of his own business... *shaking head* so yeah]
ps if anyone can tell me HOW i insulted him up there i’d love to hear it… (before he tells me i’m classless i mean)
October 21, 2009 at 2:22 pm
What a wuss.
I get the impression that he wanted to back away, and was looking for a way to pin the ending on you.
Hell with him.
October 21, 2009 at 2:24 pm
OK…
A. This guy is a pussy
B. If things between you two were hunky dory before that party, then he could have and should have communicated to you that he was feeling uncomfortable. If things were so -so or uncertain, then he was already on the fence about breaking up with you and used that party as an excuse to dump you.
Either way, he sucks it hard for not having the balls to graciously leave the party like an adult and just say to you that he didn’t things would work out. I hate when people have to turn the tables and make it about how the other person is a bad guy and that’s why they don’t deserve common courtesy.
October 21, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Total, self-absorbed jerk. You are not responsible for how someone else feels. No one is. You decide how to feel, and consequently, how to act. This guy is a selfish whiner and deserves to be out of your life, as he’s not worth your time and effort, believe me.
Hey, on another topic…sent you many @’s, but no replies. Not sure if you got any, but just saying…when you ask where everyone’s at sometimes, some folks *are* replying ;)
~EE
October 21, 2009 at 4:41 pm
It sounds like Princess is an introverted anti-social who doesn’t know how to handle himself in large intimate groups. I pity those people; was he afraid people would judge him or view him as being lower on the social ladder than they were?
Be a man and give her the keys in person, Princess. If you gave them to the wrong person, you’ve created a whole new mess.
Oh, and I know now how the boy got his nickname.
October 21, 2009 at 9:15 pm
You’re all pretty harsh.
Look, if you actually like this guy, and like him for who he is, you should be sensitive to that, including his shortcomings. Nobody likes to be invited places, and then virtually ignored. He obviously felt trapped to make small talk, and you wanted him there without wanting to be *with him* there. Who cares if he came off pissy the next day? You’re obviously not a good match, but it’s not a shortcoming of his. You just need someone extra extroverted with a thick skin who doesn’t actually want to spend time with you when you invite him out, or when you’re in a self absorbed mood.
October 21, 2009 at 11:56 pm
AoH: he was introduced to several people and rarely spoke to them past ‘hello’ before walking away. i would brush against him or rub up against him or sit beside him and he wouldn’t engage. i don’t understand since he’s a bartender and an event planner and they’re all good at sociable behaviour…
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atisys: i have to admit that this would have been a last straw for me regardless because he was pushy about not using condoms (i insisted) and a few other things so there was already a caution flag up.
that said, no matter who he was introduced to or whatever he wouldn’t participate. so weird since he seemed really gregarious until then.
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EE: dude there were several people there who hardly even knew me! (couple of twitterers, guy from my building i met that afternoon, friends of friends…) it was a friendly crowd and everyone but him was having fun.
i don’t think i get your @’s since your tweets are protected and i wasn’t following you, try now.
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ET: i just don’t understand, he’s an event planner, he knows exactly what hosting a party is like, why did he expect anything else? and he left just as it was quieting down enough…
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ugh: you were right, i was being unduly mean so i changed the post around a little.
i did like him but with reservations but i felt a connection with him and wanted to know him better before i decided on those reservations. it was wait and assess rather than push away.
anyway, i never expect the host to talk to me during a party, every regular party thrower i know (polled five of them and twitter) tells me that they never talk to anyone for more than three minutes and that three is a luxury. [do you know a way to throw parties where that isn't true?]
i would expect someone who plans events for a living and is a bartender as well to know that before coming to a party. i don’t know how to host a party and be a date… but i do know how to be the host’s date.
you show up, ask if you can help, whisper dirty things in their ear, stroke their bum as they bustle by, threaten them with later, sneak them into the bathroom for a little kiss and otherwise have fun meeting their friends.
we had had sex on our previous (sleepover) date, i expected him to stay over and since he brought a change of clothes he clearly did too. he was basically surly and brushed me off all night, changed into his pyjamas and then left just as the party started to clear up.
i don’t care that he came off pissy it’s the part where he tells me i’m classless and insulting that baffles me. what on earth did i do to deserve “That is pretty hurtful badinfluencegirl. You’ve managed to knock me down yet again…wow…classy”?
extra extroverted? with a thick skin? what are you talking about? i didn’t invite him out, i invited him to a house party. was i supposed to meet him in the bedroom with candles and feathers in the middle of it? i stroked his body with mine, dragged him into my room and stuck my tongue down his throat, introduced him to people, stroked his bum when i walked by and otherwise hosted a party.
i don’t understand how being a hostess makes me self-absorbed. please explain.
October 22, 2009 at 2:07 am
Jiminy crickets. Is his life that boring that he has to make a big deal out of nothing?
You are so blessed his issues came out early on.
Geez…
October 22, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I will have to agree…total douche-baggery! You two are just not compatible. Good thing you discovered this fact sooner than later. No person wants an adult who is obviously still breast-feeding from mommy’s teat.
October 27, 2009 at 8:27 am
Oh my goodness talk about him blowing something way out of proportion. If the way you describe the events of the evening are true then it would seem he needs to grow up a little. Maybe he was in a bad mood and not up for a party, but then he shouldn’t have gone and should never blame you. I know there are two sides to every story, but from the sound of it he needs to not be so self centered and wise up a bit. And the fact that it was your party so of course your going to be talking to other people. And didn’t you say this would have been your 4th date? Well then what more did he expect. I agree with Gillette, If he’s going to be so childish its a good job you found out early.
lets hope the next one isn’t like that!
Harrie
October 27, 2009 at 10:54 am
[...] posts adventures in datingtoy [...]
October 27, 2009 at 11:02 am
gillette: doubly so since i met someone who seems much saner not four days after this exchange occured…
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bad girl: he self describes as a broken toy… my only reply to that is “dude, you’re 37 years old, let the childhood GO”
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harriet: imagine hosting a party… there that’s the events of the evening
but seriously, from things he’s said, i’m pretty sure he wants the stereotypical fifties housewife with just enough edge to make him feel challenged but not enough to matter.
which? not me.
oh man please let the next one not be like that, he has the sparkle in his eyes…
January 30, 2010 at 7:54 pm
badinfluencegirl,
where should i begin without sounding like a judgmental cunt because i’m anything but… judgmental that is.
i applaud your efforts but did you actually see this guy tending bar somewhere? was it some event he planned? i’m just curious because i can’t imagine this whiny douche being successful at tending bar without any intuition or people skills. i’m thinking barista or maybe a bartender at a radisson inn somewhere.
i think you wrote that this was your “fourth meeting”. i’m not feeling any warm fuzzys with this description. obviously too new to know each others social mo’s but the boy put himself into a corner to pout and expected you to just stop hosting your own party. perhaps on some level i don’t even know, could be considered classless but whiny baby needs to grow up. his actions were just selfish and immature. if he wanted some one on one, he shouldn’t have come or be the awesome new boy and wait for the after show. instead he pouted and wanted you to know it. didn’t so much as try and fake his whiny feelings or maybe discuss in person. No, dude is a total loser, made no effort whatsoever, and best it ended with a flair of drama compared to a monsoon.
oh, and maybe it’s just me, but the boy also reeks of insecurity.
i’m sorry. i’d offer a hug but i’m afraid i might linger too long.
ciao -ats
July 22, 2011 at 10:23 am
Why do I bother calling up poelpe when I can just read this!